Green Monké is all about getting together with people you care about and calming the F out. While everyone is different, there are certain types of people that seem to pop up in every friendship group. If you read a description and struggle to think of the person in your group that it’s referring to, then congrats/commiserations – you’re that person.
1. The organizer one
It’s a thankless task, but someone’s gotta do it. They put all the effort in to making sure that not only do you have plans, but the plans actually happen. They’re always the first one to call an Uber, their name is always the one the restaurant reservations are under, they tell you where & when you need to be. They get a reputation for being bossy, but they’re just misunderstood. No one deserves a Green Monké more than the Organizer; to all the organizers of their group out there – we see you and we salute you.
2. The parent one
Every group has that one person that looks after everyone else. They’re the ones that remind you to grab your jacket because it’s cold out. They’re the ones that give you that little look when you’re about to do something stupid. They’re the ones that carry spare tissues, band-aids, chargers…Whatever you need. They’re the ones that everyone confides their deepest darkest secrets in, because everyone knows they’re too nice to use it to destroy the entire group with like the rest of us would.
3. The comedian one
Every group needs that one person that is able to make a joke out of any situation, to turn any frown upside down. From witty retorts to hilarious observations, from impressions to physical prop comedy, there are loads of ways these people can leave the whole group howling. They’re the only ones in the group chat where your laughing face emoji is a genuine response.
4. The accidental comedian one
Shakespeare once wrote “Some are born great, some have greatness thrust upon them.” And we think the same is true of comedy. Every group has that one person that can have everyone crying with laughter without even meaning to. Watching them trying to navigate life is like watching Bambi walk for the first time. They drop, they fumble, they fall, they stumble, they faceplant. They have no filter and blurt out inappropriate things without realizing. They have both our sympathy and our love in equal measures, we would offer them a Green Monké, but they would only spill it.
5. The flake one
The ghost of the group. Everyone knows that a yes from them really means a maybe. They’re the reason the rest of us have to pay deposits. Their excuses range from the ordinary to the creative, but you know what we love them still, because sometimes we all secretly hope plans get cancelled, and the flakes give the rest of us a reason to make that happen, or should that be not make that happen. To all you flakes out there, fancy coming round for a Green Monké? Yes? Awesome…oh…wait.
6. The super laid-back one
There’s always that one friend that never seems to get stressed no matter what’s going on. Who’s never worried, never rushes, and always believes everything is going to be just fine. They’re like Green Monké in human form. Sure, the rest of us can get frustrated by them when they dismiss our life dramas, because no, the fact that our ex finally changed their Netflix password and we still have one more episode of Stranger Things to watch is a big deal actually. But we love our laid-back friends because they help us vibe in any situation. They are the ones we want by our side when the zombie apocalypse finally arrives.
7. The wild one
We all have that one friend that we’re always unsure if we should invite, but never regret that we do. They’re always up for an adventure and we’re pretty sure we’ve never seen them sleep. They can make friends with strangers instantly, and those strangers just seem to give them things. “Oh yeah that guy over there says we can use his beach-house if we’re ever go to Malibu”. Sure, they’re the reason we’re broke, the reason we’re lacking sleep, the reason we can’t remember where we left the car…but they’re also the reason our Instagram feed has followers.
8. The useless facts one
Who needs Wikipedia when you’ve got a walking, talking fountain of knowledge for a friend. Their head is full of mostly useless facts, and they can’t help but blurt them out at any given opportunity. We’re not sure where they get all these facts from; were they born already knowing them? Do they absorb podcasts in their sleep? Do they just make them and say them with confidence? All we know is you can’t mention anything around them without them telling you things like cotton candy was invented by a dentist, sharks existed before trees, and Green Monké is the greatest drink around…you know, ALL the facts.
9. The dramatic one
It’s 3:47am, and the faint rumble you’re hearing in your dreams has become an aggressive and continuous boom of vibrations shaking your bedside table. 17 missed calls, 4 voicemails, and a text that your blurry morning eyes vaguely make out as “ANSWER. URGENT”. We’ve been here a million times before, but this could be the time it’s actually something important, right? Sure, they once spent all week crying over a frozen pizza they burnt, but what if just this once, it’s not an overreaction? Oh, how naive you are. Once again, you find yourself consoling your friend in the early hours of the morning over a “super sad Tik Tok” they saw of a dog that was too old to climb up onto the couch. This is why we both love and hate them, because they can turn anything in their lives to something that could rival a telenovela. They have all the drama of HBO, Netflix and Hulu combined, and you can binge it all with a can of Green Monké.
10. The moody one
There’s got to be a reason you still invite this one out, right? Sure, they’ve already complained about the plans you all decided on as a collective, and maybe the Uber here did take a route that adds 0.7 miles to the trip, but you’re pretty sure you saw them having a good time for a minute earlier... even if it was when someone mentioned going home. With all that said, there is a reason we still hang out with this one, and that’s because we love them just as much as the rest of the squad. Whilst a sigh, a roll of the eyes, or a groan are standard communication practices for the moody one, you’ve learned how to be supportive. Plus, for the odd occasion where you manage to break through and get a smile, it feels extra special.
Whether you fit a description perfectly or you’re a combination of a few, or maybe you’re someone not on the list- because, hey this is a just a light-hearted blog right? And we probably haven’t managed to condense every single personality type down to a neat little list, but if we made it much longer you probably wouldn’t be reading this bit, and whoever wrote it would get fired (half kidding). What we’re trying to say is, you’re a group of unique individuals, but the dynamic when you’re together just works. You’re a harmony of Yin and Yangs that bring out the best in each other. So, even when the parent has to look after the dramatic one, or the super laid-back one has to rein in the wild one, when you guys are together, good times are never far behind, and that’s what Green Monké is all about.